Hm, i never use this anymore. Probably because only a select few really write in it anymore. but why should i stop writing just because no one else does? It seems like people only write for show. The cryptic and the cynics, the lovers and the haters. The internet is so full of garbage. If you're going to write, don't write your life to impress. I don't know, I'm just gonna start using it for my thoughts, interesting to you or not. I don't write things down enough anymore.
And i have enough thoughts running around in my head today, It was my first day back at work at sticks. Being on break has totally messed with my head. It's changed my routine and some of it is good and some bad. I'm glad to be back at work. I've missed having a regular day like that and not being so lazy for once. If school has taught me anything so far, it's how to be super lazy and to get involved with fictional television characters and their lives. (To an unhealthy extent)
But anyways, i forgot how much time in a day sticks gives me to think. I can basically be in my own little world all day if i'd like. for all ten hours. All i do is sand, and if i put my headphones on i really don't have to talk to anyone. So it's just the autonomy of one arm or another, and my inner monologue.
Being at sticks made me think a lot about living in the apartment downtown and life with meggo and our cats. The shenanigans that would ensue, that don't seem to happen anymore, and having love in my life, which i feel like will won't happen anymore. (Ok, that's pretty melodramatic). but as one person has told me, i've only had one serious boyfriend in my life, so what do i know? Apparently, not much.
I love music, but i have so much on my computer right meow i dont know what to do with it. At work today i listened to a bunch of different stuff, but there was a lot of the good life, which actually describes a not so good life, and is rather depressing. Work gives me a lot more focus on the lyrics rather than just listening to the music. Oh, and how have i forgotten about margot! (& the nuclear so &sos) It's so exciting to re-discover music. mmm, murder by death.
Wow, i get on tangents. Back to being at work and being nostalgic. I get too bummed out over things i can't change anymore, and things i'm too scared to change. I need to quit being so god damned whiney and get things for myself. It's like i get off on being saved all the time, when maybe i just need to be a big girl and save myself. I can't go back in time, so i should just make do with what i've got.
So i guess if i'm complaining, tell me to shut up and fix it myself. Unless i've got a broken leg or something, then maybe dial 911 for me..
Something i really want to do is learn some sort of martial art, i've been watching way too many horror/thriller movies lately that have made me realize i need to be able to defend myself if the big bad world is really as crazy as people make believe it to be. Especially if i'm having nightmares about being chased by 28 days later style zombies, and i wake up wondering if i have any blunt objects in my dorm.
plus it wouldn't hurt me to work on my balance, if anything, that's what discipline i need to look into, i'm so damn clumsy. Oh, and to get in shape. Christmas was ok, but santa gave me fat for christmas, and i dont want it. blah blah, yeah, fat is a disparate view for everyone, but i just feel unhealthy and i don't like it. Stupid holidays.
Well, this became long and drawn out, but i guess i've just got a few resolutions i need to set. If i've learned anything from the past year, it's that i am the only person who can change things for myself. when it comes down to it, i shouldn't have to depend on anyone.
( a few photos to pass the time.Collapse )
good night. ♥
ps. first hockey game experience tonight. awesome.