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Symptom of my Sanity. [entries|friends|calendar]

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(2 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

the only good rock star is a dead rock star. [21 Nov 2008|02:39pm]

(2 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

good morning starshine! The earth says, hello! [18 Jun 2008|09:49am]
[ mood | chipper ]

well hello livejournal world. I am in CYPRUS! and it's pretty amazing. besides the hot hot sun, and the no rain for five years, I'm having a wonderful time. Of all places to travel abraod I'm glad I picked something a little more unknown and didn't just go to London or something. and ps, this is the first time i've ever flown or left the country!

People here drive on the left side of the road, which I'm not driving so you think it would't matter, but it totally throws off my sense of "look both ways" becaus I look both wrong ways, and i swear to god they will speed up if you walk in front of them. Cyprus has the most car accidents per capita or something.

Another issue with this trip is the guy to girl ratio in our program. there's like 8 guys and 50 girls which makes the compeitition for attention very high. even the girls with boyfriends back home are in on the game which makes it ridiculous. Soo, i've decided to give up, chasing after affection is a lame, lame game. Especially while I'm abroad. It's just annoying that almost all the girl I live with (there's 9 of us in this kick ass house) have boyfriends back home. It just says a lot about the skanky girls who disregard their boyfriends at home for a summer fling.

well, I know most people give up reading after about one paragraph so I should cut this off and post some pictures already. If anyone cares to hear more about the trip just leave a comment!


Nicosia is for loversCollapse )

(1 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

If you don't smoke Tarryltons... Fuck You! [07 Apr 2008|01:03am]
[ mood | AWESOME. ]

"do you really wanna live in a world where you try to kill the one perosn who's trying to help you?"-idiocracy.

people at work keep getting songs stuck in my head..
"you're sooooo vainnnn. i bet you think this song is abouuuuuut you donnnn't you? donnn't you??"

time to go climb into my cozy bed and continue into tomorrow for another day with the wonderful education im receiving so i can become something in this big bad world..

& in elyse's words, at least i'm not a penguin..

(2 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

lonliness is the human condition. [17 Mar 2008|12:40am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

ohhh des moines.
i keep coming back to you time and time again. and for what?
most of the people i care about have vacated the area.
others are busy.
and some, its just not possibe to see anymore.
full of bad memories.. er rather, good ones that are painful to remember.
good times i can't have anymore.
and boredom.

and here i am, on spring break. at my dad's.
driving through altoona is rather odd anymore.
I got drive thru at the BK i used to work at. They've totally remodled it.
Adventureland drive curves to the left and makes me think about where the hell i'm going.
hyvee is spawning a twin next to it.
theres' a new elementary.
and everyone i used to know is gone.
hung out at a bar with lindsay tonight, who's got a whole new life.
jillane's out of the country and we hardly even talk anymore.

meggos soooooooooooo far awayyyyyy. and i dont know when i'm ever going to see her again.
it just seems like a struggle to have a good time anymore.

it's weird to think about leaving the country this summer.
and someone asked me what i want to do with an art degree and i dont even fucking know. what the hell am i doing?

I just wanna get the fuck out of here. I don't even care what i'm doing with myself anymore.

" don't hoard the past. don't cherish anything. burn it. the artist is the phoenix who burns to emerge."

i need some change. i should chop off all my hair or something. i need to feel something different.

(hit me as hard as you can)

[05 Mar 2008|01:40am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

i never use this anymore.
iowa city.
dance party.
i'm gonna make a super sonic man out of you!

been doing a lot of thinking lately. I am hopefully rising above certain things. I will probably always obsess over certain things but hopwdully surpass them too. i'm happy with certain things too.

i can't change things so i can only adapt.

(3 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

NYE! [08 Jan 2008|11:58pm]
[ mood | bored ]

didn't make the issue of juice, but we are on the website for new years eve!
@ the hessen haus.

(1 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

dont open your door, the villians want your blood and they're gonna get it. [27 Dec 2007|12:54am]
[ mood | content ]

Hm, i never use this anymore. Probably because only a select few really write in it anymore. but why should i stop writing just because no one else does? It seems like people only write for show. The cryptic and the cynics, the lovers and the haters. The internet is so full of garbage. If you're going to write, don't write your life to impress. I don't know, I'm just gonna start using it for my thoughts, interesting to you or not. I don't write things down enough anymore.
And i have enough thoughts running around in my head today, It was my first day back at work at sticks. Being on break has totally messed with my head. It's changed my routine and some of it is good and some bad. I'm glad to be back at work. I've missed having a regular day like that and not being so lazy for once. If school has taught me anything so far, it's how to be super lazy and to get involved with fictional television characters and their lives. (To an unhealthy extent)
But anyways, i forgot how much time in a day sticks gives me to think. I can basically be in my own little world all day if i'd like. for all ten hours. All i do is sand, and if i put my headphones on i really don't have to talk to anyone. So it's just the autonomy of one arm or another, and my inner monologue.
Being at sticks made me think a lot about living in the apartment downtown and life with meggo and our cats. The shenanigans that would ensue, that don't seem to happen anymore, and having love in my life, which i feel like will won't happen anymore. (Ok, that's pretty melodramatic). but as one person has told me, i've only had one serious boyfriend in my life, so what do i know? Apparently, not much.

I love music, but i have so much on my computer right meow i dont know what to do with it. At work today i listened to a bunch of different stuff, but there was a lot of the good life, which actually describes a not so good life, and is rather depressing. Work gives me a lot more focus on the lyrics rather than just listening to the music. Oh, and how have i forgotten about margot! (& the nuclear so &sos) It's so exciting to re-discover music. mmm, murder by death.

Wow, i get on tangents. Back to being at work and being nostalgic. I get too bummed out over things i can't change anymore, and things i'm too scared to change. I need to quit being so god damned whiney and get things for myself. It's like i get off on being saved all the time, when maybe i just need to be a big girl and save myself. I can't go back in time, so i should just make do with what i've got.

So i guess if i'm complaining, tell me to shut up and fix it myself. Unless i've got a broken leg or something, then maybe dial 911 for me..

Something i really want to do is learn some sort of martial art, i've been watching way too many horror/thriller movies lately that have made me realize i need to be able to defend myself if the big bad world is really as crazy as people make believe it to be. Especially if i'm having nightmares about being chased by 28 days later style zombies, and i wake up wondering if i have any blunt objects in my dorm.
plus it wouldn't hurt me to work on my balance, if anything, that's what discipline i need to look into, i'm so damn clumsy. Oh, and to get in shape. Christmas was ok, but santa gave me fat for christmas, and i dont want it. blah blah, yeah, fat is a disparate view for everyone, but i just feel unhealthy and i don't like it. Stupid holidays.

Well, this became long and drawn out, but i guess i've just got a few resolutions i need to set. If i've learned anything from the past year, it's that i am the only person who can change things for myself. when it comes down to it, i shouldn't have to depend on anyone.

a few photos to pass the time.Collapse )

good night. ♥

ps. first hockey game experience tonight. awesome.

(12 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

oh. my. god. [29 Nov 2007|12:52am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]


i don't even know what to think about it.

oh my god.

(1 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

omg happy birthday to me someone, please? [05 Nov 2007|09:59pm]
[ mood | lazy ]


(hit me as hard as you can)

i believe in immediacy. [17 Oct 2007|12:38am]
[ mood | content ]

black bear
alamo race track
cat power
murder by death.

(hit me as hard as you can)

lloyd, i'm ready to be heartbroken. [03 Oct 2007|11:28pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

i miss being in a relationship. i miss running around and causing shenanigans. i miss not having to think about the future. i miss knowing people and my environment. i miss feeling comfortable. i miss my mom. i miss innocence. i miss being confident. i miss not needing it. i miss giggling. i miss not giving a damn. i miss having my own place. i miss people who moved away. i miss making out. i miss playing sports. i miss having my cat. i miss caring.

(2 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

everyone's leaving. [16 Jul 2007|03:41am]
[ mood | can't sleep. ]

i'm slowly starting to feel very alone.

(hit me as hard as you can)

[07 Jul 2007|05:17pm]
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket width=400
"i stepped on the merry-go-round and hurried around the bar, approaching my attorney on his blind side- and when we came to the right spot i pushed him off. he staggered into the aisle and uttered a hellish scream as he lost his balance and went down, thrashing into the crowd... rolling like a log, then up again in a flash, fists clenched, looking for somebody to hit."

(hit me as hard as you can)

[06 Jul 2007|04:30pm]
[ mood | blah ]

i'm going to college, I can't keep fucking you in the ass.

(1 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

no one seems to use this anymore... [02 Jul 2007|11:58am]
[ mood | hungry ]

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
i love these two...

(4 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

great movie. [11 Jun 2007|08:07pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

"Listen, Coop. Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this. Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you."

(1 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

it's a great time to be alive and alone. [07 Jun 2007|05:52pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

what movie did bob newhart have his first fight/action scene in?

(8 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

you busted yo head! [15 May 2007|09:41pm]
[ mood | content ]

soooo tonight was my first roller derby practice.
started out a little shakey but i got the hang of it. Not good enough for any 'bouts anytime soon but hopefully i'll get there. it was fun and not as scary as i thought! haha.

now i just need skates, equip., and a nickname. haha.

(4 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

ZACH AND TJ AND MIKEY! [12 May 2007|11:28am]
[ mood | relieved ]

OH THANK GOD. they finally CANCELLED that modest mouse show! i can finally get back the ridiculous amount of money that i paid.

(9 hit me | hit me as hard as you can)

212121212121212121212121 [01 May 2007|12:21am]
[ mood | chipper ]

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(i love you even though you are perverted and weird..)

edit//: HER BIRTHDAY IS SO GREAT THE GUY AT HY VEE ANNOUNCED IT OVER THE LOUDSPEAKERS. at like 1 am. haha. he's basically our best friend.

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